• mindfulyogi

Mindfully Divorcing Someone: A Journey Back Home

Phil and me smiling big for a selfie back in 2008 when we were expecting Paige.

Would I change anything about this photo of us? No way. I love that it catches us in the throws of happiness. My eyes are filled with joyful tears right now. Look at how sweet we were?! Pregnant with our fourth, on vacation in Kaua'i without the three boys, the market hadn't tanked yet, we lived in Sydney, Australia near close family, Phil had a great job at Ebay or maybe Paypal, Inc by then but anyway it was fairly stable. And I worked too, even though pregnant and having to wear compression tights because my veins hurt like hell, teaching Pilates and Body Balance and Yoga at various studios and a big gym on the Northern Beaches. And we were in our 30s. Life was still without wrinkles and teenagers and gray hairs and enlightenment.

My glorious thirties. Head in sand. Hands full of babies. A thick veil over my eyes. I hardly remember my thirties but now that I am closing in on the end of my 40s it's probably time.

My Thirties

Lots of babies.


Four infants.

Four chubby babies.

Four messy, whiny, adorably exasperating toddlers.

Four kids in diapers.

Years and years of diapers. Diapers were everywhere.

Four potty training experiences.

Four preschool enrolments and tuitions.

Four carseat stages of all kinds.

Four pregancies that resulted in live births.

Four childbirth experiences.

Four epidurals. Three of them worked.

Four breastfeeding extravaganzas.

More than four cases of Mastitis.

Four kids to worry about nonstop.

Four children to love.

All four babies in early 2009 before we moved back to the U.S.

Four children to mother.

Four children to clean up after, cook for, buy for, worry for, pray for, weep for...

Four precious beings to smell, to hold.

Four beautiful beings who chose me to be their mother.

Rare shot of me and my kids taken a few years back.

Four beautiful beings who chose Phil to be their father.

I love this photo of Phil and the kids. I think it's from 2011?

Four children borne from love, here to be loved and to love, and who I have the honor of raising together with Phil.

For life.

So, here's to a new beginning for all of us. Our family dynamic is shifting but the foundation is LOVE.

Love is complex, paradoxical, mysterious, and SO worthy of being investigated!

Love is not easy, but it is worth protecting, cultivating, nurturing, and fighting for with your whole heart. Love is why I can wake up in the morning and know for certain how very beautiful this life is, that it should be marvelled over, photographed, written about, and fully lived before my last breath.

Do any of us know for certain when we will take our last breath?

My job some days is to point out how beautiful life and love are, and why. ( I hired myself for this job. You can do the same. There are always openings!)

Love is why.

Love yourself today.

Love others today.

Just... love.

And the rest will unfold while you receive love's benefits with a full heart.

#jenzayogiaptos #consciousuncoupling #nomudnolotus


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