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  • mindfulyogi

You can't see the angel,

You can't see the air.

You can't see my love for you,

but it is everywhere.

~Anonymous


I've been thinking a lot lately in the hours I manage to find myself alone.


I've been watching and, at times, listening to and considering my thoughts.


Here's what I've got...


I am not my thoughts; now that I internalize this notion much more deeply, it's interesting to sit back and observe.


What's been coming up a lot is the image of a large round wooden table and all of my feelings and emotions are gathered there.


Sitting at the table are Anger, Grief, Joy, Curiosity, Kindness, Compassion, Fear, Hostility, Love, Vulnerability, Courage, Outspokenness, Shyness... You know: the motley crew that is you. That is me.


There are no exceptions; all of us humanoids consist of these emotions and more.


And since this table is round, there are no "heads."


So when one of the occupants gets a little too bossy or a little too meek, it's my job as the owner of all these crazies to smooth out the balance and keep everyone in line.


If Courage starts hiding under the table, I need to look under there and pull her ass back out.


If Fear demands she's in charge, I must gently remind her she's actually part of a team and needs to sit back down and relax.


When Joy leaps out of her seat and wants to flip the table over and run around the room screaming "Party time!," it's my job to tell her that while I'm excited too and love her to pieces she's spilling shit everywhere and we'll get nothing done if we frolic all night.


You get it.


So I turn to Balance for help.


Balance can seem boring. But Balance is someone I want at the table more than she can possibly know because she is so skilled at convincing Boring to liven the fuck up, just as she can influence Anger to cool the fuck down before somebody gets hurt.


It's not easy being the ringleader of this pack of personalities, but it's my job and I rely on Balance to help me do it well.


Think of the contrast between your night and your day. Your waking life and your dreaming life.


Consider your inner and outer you.


Who are you inside your soul and who do you present to the world?


Are they similar? Vastly different? Or do they blur in the middle?


Consider the great contrasts in life.


What would light be without dark?


What would a really good day be without knowing the deep sense of loss a bad day brings?


What would life mean to us if the threat of death wasn't always thisclose?


So we push the thought of death away from us the best we can in order to get by and make it through another day.


Survival. Is it truly living?


This is our one shot at our time on Earth in this physical body.


Are you truly in charge of your one small opportunity to be alive?


Or, has someone at your table wrestled control for leadership and taken over?


Be careful. Sometimes we don't even realized there's been a takeover.


So.


Make sure Balance sits next to you; confers with you.


Not constantly.


It's hard.


But check in. Try to notice. Take role and make sure the table looks copacetic.


Can you see these occupants?


Can you see yourself?


No.


Can you see air, love, angels?


Right.


They're there, though. Just like you. The you that is you. The you that is truly you.


Do you see her?


You are here.


All of you.


Breathe the invisible air, soak up that ephemeral love, and enjoy your table.


It's the only one you'll ever have and it is absolutely beautiful.












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